The first four days are done. Tomorrow I start 10mg twice a day. Four days of that, then the (presumably) final thrice daily. I suppose I won’t really have 20mg in my system until tomorrow evening. So far, the only ill effects have been an upset stomach in the morning that goes away after breakfast and towards noontime. I’m keeping track of my food and drink intake at the MAOI Ingestion Log above. No “hypertensive crises” yet, but I’m being...
They’ve tried every other class of anti-depressant. Only the MAOI remain. Today I started the first 10mg titration round of tranylcyprom (generic of Parnate), after a two-week “washout” period wherein all other anti-depressants (Pristiq, in my case) had to be out of my system. The washout wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. Maybe two weeks wasn’t enough to fling me into the pit of despair that landed me into BryLin and ECT over the summer when I foolishly attempted a...
I refilled my Provigil and Clonazepam (AKA Klonopin) scripts today over lunch. After a trip to Subway, pulling into the office lot, shutting off the car, I shook two Provigil tablets into my hand and went inside, then slugged them down with a shot of Pepsi Max. I felt better that afternoon than I have in a long while. My boss (the bestest one on Earth) had been looking for me in the interim, and when I asked, he had...
Every night I come home with the faint and irrational hope that something will be different, better, changed, fixed. Where did I go so goddamned wrong? How did it get to this point? This isn’t worthy of an entry. I’m just talking to myself. The blog has been delinked from my fazigu.org homepage. Only visitors to tijuanabibles.org seemed to have found their way here. I talked to her about the situation tonight. I don’t know why. I know all there...
My father kept a picture of Jesus on the console of his car. It was the Anglo Jesus we Americans raised as Christians know so well, with the soft flaxen locks and the blue eyes. This was after the divorce, and I remember seeing the picture there and asking him about it on one of his weekend visits. It was to remind him that “God is his co-pilot.” He wasn’t always a Christian. I have vague memories of him explicitly...
Last Friday, like every Friday, we ate out. Summer hours are over at work, so I got home something after 5PM. I ordered pizza within a half-hour or so after arriving. We ate at about 6:30. Apparently, that is too late. I’ll spare you the details, but it was too late, and I fucked up by waiting instead of ordering ahead. So, this week, I tried my damndest to get the dinner on time. But, lo! I had forgotten I...
How do I write about something when that very something saps me of the will to do anything? Really, I should stop bitching about this and do something about it, right? Just snap the hell out of it and be a man, live life. Sure, you’ve got problems, but we’ve all got them, and you’re better off than most. You’ve got two beautiful girls, a good job, a roof over your head… … I just don’t care. Apparently, our toilet...
As has been pointed out to me, the love of ones offspring is not an accurate metric of ones success as a parent. A kid loves her daddy if he beats her, molests her, ignores her. Kids just love their daddies — at least while they’re kids. They don’t realize how much they hated him until they grow up. I have a problem with discipline. That is, I don’t. My volume ratchets up, my cadence becomes rigid and stern. I...
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