Six months. 31.5 times six. 93 days? I’m not particularly mathematically adept at this time. Nevertheless and irregardless– off the wagon. First, it was the party for a friend of my lover. Strong through an hour, maybe two. Then anxious. Then was asked to get a drink for her. Hers were weak. I nod and smile. To the bar. Drop a twenty. “Double vodka.” It was downhill from there. Down into “Proud Mary in the...
For an “alcoholic”, there is only one problem– alcohol. At that first AA meeting, when I raised my hand and said, “I’m Quinn and I’m an alcoholic”, I bargained with myself that it was some sort of truth. Major regrettable events had transpired which, without alcohol, would have been mere forgettable incidents. I have problems associated with alcohol, like a racist has problems associated with race. So, I’m an alcoholic, right? No, I’m not– and I won’t call myself that again. I’ve...
Second night at AA. I didn’t talk much this time beyond the obligatory “I’m Quinn and I’m an alcoholic”, “Hi, Bill”, “Thank you, Bill.” I gave my number to a good looking guy, my age or (probably) younger. I am regretting this. It brings on the kind of anxiety I had when the ex-wife and I gave our number to a “friendly” waiter at Raj Mahal who turned out to be an Amway drone. That’s what AA reminds me of– a cult. Not in...
“My name is Quinn and I’m an … alcoholic.” Most of those present seemed to assume the pause before the term was because I was loathe to admit such a condition, but it was only that I wasn’t sure of the definition and did not want to misrepresent myself. I was able to explain this later, in a lengthy rant where I used the terms “modern drunkard” and “high-functioning sociopath” and essentially said “This is not going to work– for me.” Kinda brought...
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