I sat in a pool of milk and wondered how it got on the floor. I knew I’d spilled it on the countertop trying to pour it into my cereal, but how did it get all over the floor? I stood, shakily, and saw that the half-gallon cardboard container of organic whole milk was tipped over, as was my cup of cereal. Milk was everywhere, soaking boxes, creeping under the toaster, dribbling into the sink. Wednesday afternoon, my psychiatrist upped...
And now for something completely different. No depression updates this time. A new “Hacking” category and a code tip on getting the full filenames in the menubar buffers list of Emacs. I use Emacs 23.1.50.1 on my desktop, mostly for the kinds of things (quick copy and pasting and scratch pads) vim’s modal model doesn’t make altogether easy. I’m not a vehement advocate of either editor, but of both. ;; Copied from /usr/share/emacs/23.1.50/lisp/menu-bar.el.gz (defun menu-bar-update-buffers-1 (elt) (let* ((buf (car elt))...
I ate one bite of the pesto, then went to check the jar. Grana Panado cheese. It seems to be an aged cheese, so I erred on the side of caution and didn’t eat the dinner, which kinda pissed me off because the kids hardly touched theirs, either, and thus my wife’s dinner-making effort was wasted tonight. The one bite doesn’t seem to have done anything. “Thank God I only took a tiny [bite].” As I was Googling “Grana Panado”,...
The first four days are done. Tomorrow I start 10mg twice a day. Four days of that, then the (presumably) final thrice daily. I suppose I won’t really have 20mg in my system until tomorrow evening. So far, the only ill effects have been an upset stomach in the morning that goes away after breakfast and towards noontime. I’m keeping track of my food and drink intake at the MAOI Ingestion Log above. No “hypertensive crises” yet, but I’m being...
They’ve tried every other class of anti-depressant. Only the MAOI remain. Today I started the first 10mg titration round of tranylcyprom (generic of Parnate), after a two-week “washout” period wherein all other anti-depressants (Pristiq, in my case) had to be out of my system. The washout wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. Maybe two weeks wasn’t enough to fling me into the pit of despair that landed me into BryLin and ECT over the summer when I foolishly attempted a...
I refilled my Provigil and Clonazepam (AKA Klonopin) scripts today over lunch. After a trip to Subway, pulling into the office lot, shutting off the car, I shook two Provigil tablets into my hand and went inside, then slugged them down with a shot of Pepsi Max. I felt better that afternoon than I have in a long while. My boss (the bestest one on Earth) had been looking for me in the interim, and when I asked, he had...
Every night I come home with the faint and irrational hope that something will be different, better, changed, fixed. Where did I go so goddamned wrong? How did it get to this point? This isn’t worthy of an entry. I’m just talking to myself. The blog has been delinked from my fazigu.org homepage. Only visitors to tijuanabibles.org seemed to have found their way here. I talked to her about the situation tonight. I don’t know why. I know all there...
My father kept a picture of Jesus on the console of his car. It was the Anglo Jesus we Americans raised as Christians know so well, with the soft flaxen locks and the blue eyes. This was after the divorce, and I remember seeing the picture there and asking him about it on one of his weekend visits. It was to remind him that “God is his co-pilot.” He wasn’t always a Christian. I have vague memories of him explicitly...
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