Last week my doctor switched me from Parnate (tranylcypromine) to Nardil (phenelzine). At least it’s easier to spell. Yesterday at work my friends kept asking if I was high. I was very tired, maybe slightly euphoric in that tired kind of way. Not a particularly pleasant high, unless all I had to do was sit in the sun. Not if I had to correct the code of others in the middle of a deploy. After work, I had a...
I feel that this has given me the most incredible and wonderful thing that I have ever been given, and also, the worst. […] I’ve had my whole soul undermined by it — on the one hand. On the other hand, in one sense, my experience has been about finding joy. It was Memorial Day weekend. The day before, maybe. End of May. Sunday? She was taking the kids to visit with her parents in Rochester. As they went outside...
Every night I come home with the faint and irrational hope that something will be different, better, changed, fixed. Where did I go so goddamned wrong? How did it get to this point? This isn’t worthy of an entry. I’m just talking to myself. The blog has been delinked from my fazigu.org homepage. Only visitors to tijuanabibles.org seemed to have found their way here. I talked to her about the situation tonight. I don’t know why. I know all there...
Last Friday, like every Friday, we ate out. Summer hours are over at work, so I got home something after 5PM. I ordered pizza within a half-hour or so after arriving. We ate at about 6:30. Apparently, that is too late. I’ll spare you the details, but it was too late, and I fucked up by waiting instead of ordering ahead. So, this week, I tried my damndest to get the dinner on time. But, lo! I had forgotten I...
As has been pointed out to me, the love of ones offspring is not an accurate metric of ones success as a parent. A kid loves her daddy if he beats her, molests her, ignores her. Kids just love their daddies — at least while they’re kids. They don’t realize how much they hated him until they grow up. I have a problem with discipline. That is, I don’t. My volume ratchets up, my cadence becomes rigid and stern. I...
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