A few hours ago, I started drinking again. I talked about it with my forever person first, because I promised I would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few days ago, a good old friend offered me a job. He’s got influence in hiring. It was perfect. Except it was a government contract with the\u201dDepartment of War\u201d, so required a drug test. I’m a regular user of THC in NYS, where it is legal to be. But not in Trump’s whacky hypocritical administration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can quit one thing cold turkey, but if you take away all my mind altering drugs, I can’t cope. That isn’t being an addict. That’s needing help that prescription medicine can’t give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My depression is different than most. Most people who are depressed don’t want to live because they are depressed. I’m depressed because I don’t want to live. It’s existential depression, and normally psychologists don’t study this \u201cintellectual depression\u201d and we need specialized help, mostly to reshape our thinking. I feel the same awfulness that other depressed people feel, but suicidal ideation is a solution, not a symptom. I’ve never had that specialized therapy. My therapists just tell me I’m a genius and laugh at my humor and would probably pay me<\/em> for the entertainment and insight I give them<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Totally giving up any euphoric meds makes my life, well, unlivable. I need something to elevate me past my Dead Point and into genuine interaction with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, I’m now an active alcoholic again. Blame the government or blame my willpower, but that’s where we are now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A few hours ago, I started drinking again. I talked about it with my forever person first, because I promised I would. A few days ago, a good old friend offered me a job. He’s got influence in hiring. It was perfect. Except it was a government contract with the\u201dDepartment of War\u201d, so required a drug test. I’m a regular user of THC in NYS, where it is legal to be. But not in Trump’s whacky hypocritical administration. I can...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[84],"tags":[64,47],"class_list":["post-786","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health","tag-alcoholism","tag-unemployment"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=786"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/786\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":790,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/786\/revisions\/790"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}