{"id":648,"date":"2016-12-12T09:32:00","date_gmt":"2016-12-12T14:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/?p=648"},"modified":"2026-04-07T08:47:37","modified_gmt":"2026-04-07T12:47:37","slug":"lithium","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/2016\/12\/12\/lithium\/","title":{"rendered":"Lithium"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>After exhausting the pharmacopoeia of most depression-fighting medications, my drug dealer finally prescribed lithium. \u00a0After I&#8217;d suggested it. \u00a0A special fellow crazy person to whom I am attached has been taking it with spectacular results, although with a bipolar history. \u00a0My disorderly mental health record has consisted mostly of deep and dark troughs and void of manic highs save for the few hours after my morning Adderall. \u00a0Nevertheless, lithium is (one of?) the only medications proven to reduce rates of suicide. \u00a0Let&#8217;s hope it does <em>something<\/em> for my particular bitter flavor of aberrant mental health.<\/p>\n<p>I picked up the hefty bottle of 300mg capsules tonight at Rite-Aid. \u00a0December 8th. \u00a0The dosage begins with one nightly for three days, then two a night for three more days, then one in the morning and two before bed thereafter. \u00a0I see the doctor again after the holidays, and will have blood drawn a week before for him to gauge the concentration and efficacy of the stuff in my body.<\/p>\n<p>The side effects are as follows.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Drowsiness<\/li>\n<li>Dizziness<\/li>\n<li>Tiredness<\/li>\n<li>Increased thirst<\/li>\n<li>Increased frequency of urination<\/li>\n<li>Weight gain<\/li>\n<li>Hand tremors<\/li>\n<li>Diarrhea<\/li>\n<li>Unsteady walk<\/li>\n<li>Confusion<\/li>\n<li>Slurred speech<\/li>\n<li>Blurred vision (or other changes in vision)<\/li>\n<li>Joint swelling<\/li>\n<li>Muscle weakness<\/li>\n<li>Pain\/discoloration of finger\/toes<\/li>\n<li>Cold hands\/feet (already have this problem)<\/li>\n<li>Changes in heart rate<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I&#8217;ll keep daily notes including any occurrence of the above, plus any remarkable mood changes, and the answer to the question, &#8220;If you could have it done with the flip of a switch, would you kill yourself now?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t plan on cutting back on the 3-4 nightly drinks of vodka.<\/p>\n<h3>2016-12-09 (Friday)<\/h3>\n<p>One 300mg before bed last night. \u00a0Slept OK. \u00a0Woke up every hour and a half as usual. \u00a0Stomach felt a little achey-empty until I had some yogurt and then an Atkins &#8220;meal&#8221; at work.<\/p>\n<p>Had my usual every-other-week appointment with talky-doctor Gandalf. \u00a0Discussed lithium side effects and possible outcomes. \u00a0Ended by mentioning the &#8220;Bicameral Mind&#8221; theory from Westworld. \u00a0Left, went home, had two drinks of vodka in a tall tumbler, waited for Leslie&#8211; my special lady friend.<\/p>\n<p>She arrived at 8:30 with her doggy fur-kids Beanie and Pickles. \u00a0We watched &#8220;Expedition Unknown&#8221; for a while, then a few episodes of the original &#8220;Star Trek&#8221; on BBC America after ordering a bacon cheeseburger and a turkey club sub from Franco&#8217;s. \u00a0Maybe another two drinks during the night. \u00a0Not much more than usual. \u00a0None of this is particularly relevant to lithium. \u00a0Maybe the notes on food and drink will be useful &#8220;postmortem&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Around 11pm, I took my nightly 2x of 0.5 Klonopin tabs, and the second nightly single 300mg lithium.<\/p>\n<p>Just before bed, our mutual friend &#8220;MJ&#8221; called. \u00a0After speaking to her for a few minutes, according to Leslie, I suddenly became rigid, eyes wide open, skin ashen, and started mumbling incoherently. \u00a0After some indeterminate time of this (no more than a few minutes), I &#8220;came back&#8221; and asked what happened. \u00a0Leslie said I&#8217;d passed out. \u00a0She&#8217;d tried to take my pulse, but couldn&#8217;t find it, and I later found out she was close to calling 911. \u00a0Pickles had rushed to my side and was licking me with concern. \u00a0Maybe they sense something electrical with a seizure. \u00a0That&#8217;s what we decided to call it.<\/p>\n<p>The most probable explanation is a sudden drop in blood pressure. \u00a0I couldn&#8217;t stand for more than a few seconds before going faint again. \u00a0Took me a half hour or more to make it up the stairs&#8211; after a &#8230; a &#8220;wet&#8221; visit to the bathroom, so check that on the list of side effects. \u00a0After crawling\u00a0under the covers, body still slightly stiff under a dull ache, head harboring a bit of a low and steady pain, I put on the old-time radio. \u00a0After mumbling commentary on &#8220;CBS Radio Mystery Theater&#8221; for about twenty minutes, I fell asleep.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve occasional issues with dizziness when rising too fast, but this was way beyond the usual.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe it was an exorcism. \u00a0A generation of depression and anxiety fleeing my body in a ceremony of spasms and a soliloquy in tongues.<\/p>\n<p>It was probably MJ.<\/p>\n<h3>2016-12-10 (Saturday)<\/h3>\n<p>Woke up feeling no worse than usual. \u00a0The girls came over around 10AM, then Leslie left with her little dogies. \u00a0Had another wet visit to the WC.<\/p>\n<p>C is on the PS4 and A on the XB1 playing Fallout, and I&#8217;ll be pulling over the PC monitor and joining them. \u00a0Any noteworthy incidents will (hopefully) wait until tonight. \u00a0Don&#8217;t wanna scare the girls.<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>No light-headed moments of alarm today. \u00a0The exit is still slippery and it&#8217;s getting disgustingly tiresome mentioning it, so I&#8217;ll refrain from chronicles of my diarrhea until it goes away. \u00a0You&#8217;re welcome.<\/p>\n<p>Had a great visit with the girls. \u00a0Ordered pizza and wings around noon. \u00a0They camped in their &#8220;Big Joe&#8221; bean bag chairs and we all played Fallout while my other PC looped holiday\u00a0favorites like &#8220;It&#8217;s a Wonderful Life&#8221; and &#8220;Emmet Otter&#8217;s Jugband Christmas&#8221; and the electric fireplace flicked warmth as it fizzled snow in the frigid December air outside.<\/p>\n<p>I really enjoyed the day with them. \u00a0It seemed as if some of my anxiety was gone, and I was able to just enjoy the time with them.<\/p>\n<p>They&#8217;re back with their mom now. \u00a0I&#8217;m watching King Kong while drinking my first vodka of the night. \u00a0I hear Leslie pulling in now, so settling in for another night with her and the pups. \u00a0Hopefully seizure-free.<\/p>\n<h3>2016-12-11\u00a0(Sunday)<\/h3>\n<p>Slept late. \u00a0Played Fallout. \u00a0Watched &#8220;Three Godfathers&#8221; and &#8220;Christmas in Connecticut&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Late afternoon, DDM called and asked me to take the younger to soccer practice due to car trouble, so I did that around 4:30, then took her back home around 6PM. \u00a0When I came back, Leslie had made chicken, brussels sprouts, and potatoes for dinner.<\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;s a good one, sometimes. \u00a0 Most of the time.<\/p>\n<p>We watched &#8220;Frozen&#8221;. \u00a0She hadn&#8217;t seen it before. \u00a0I cried a few times, but that&#8217;s normal. \u00a0Best Disney movie ever. \u00a0She made chocolate chip cookies and we ate them warm before catching the coat hanger scene from &#8220;Mommie Dearest&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Doubled the dosage tonight. \u00a0Slight headache before bed, but quickly faded away after a romp and the creaking door.<\/p>\n<h3>2016-12-12 (Monday)<\/h3>\n<p>Slept decently last night after the first 600mg bedtime dose. \u00a0Only woke up twice that I can remember&#8211; fewer than the 90-minute intervals\u00a0my central sleep apnea usual deals me.<\/p>\n<p>Leslie and I lingered in bed for a while, doing what couples do and then reading offensive jokes on Quora.<\/p>\n<p>I felt &#8220;off&#8221;, which was enough to justify taking half of my 16 remaining hours for a Monday sick day. \u00a0Nothing to do with the lithium. \u00a0The stomach is a little bothered, but that&#8217;s probably just hunger. \u00a0Pardon the stool disclosure, but my nether leavings have stiffened somewhat.<\/p>\n<p>Work hasn&#8217;t been satisfying for a long time. \u00a0That&#8217;s another question I should be asking myself&#8211; oh shit. \u00a0I&#8217;ve been forgetting to ask if I wanted to kill myself every night. \u00a0I suppose forgetting about it means something.<\/p>\n<p>Would I kill myself now if I could do it with the flip of a switch? \u00a0Probably not, but there&#8217;s a heavy fog in my head keeping me from making decisions. \u00a0Even those involving only a twitch of the death nerve.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After exhausting the pharmacopoeia of most depression-fighting medications, my drug dealer finally prescribed lithium. \u00a0After I&#8217;d suggested it. \u00a0A special fellow crazy person to whom I am attached has been taking it with spectacular results, although with a bipolar history. \u00a0My disorderly mental health record has consisted mostly of deep and dark troughs and void [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,84],"tags":[3,87,89],"class_list":["post-648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-me","category-mental-health","tag-depression","tag-lithium","tag-raw"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=648"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":653,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/648\/revisions\/653"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fazigu.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}